spontaneous combustion

Things are weird, but i guess thats normal. no wait that sentance contradicts it's self. but yeah. its always weird. but i am not complaining. i think i like it. feeling more in control of my life these days. the new, second job is going great. i got a $50 bonus from the first week in a competition with the other girls who work part-time, came in numero uno in both categories. boo-ya. so yeah money is cool. this last weekend was incredibly empowering. quite fitting for "independence" day. thursday night was fun but yet more drama with matt happened, and i was in tears for a minute but being surrounded by so many people who love me and care about me genuinely brought me into a moment of clarity that has seemed to stick since then. told matt that i dont think i can be his girl bc he makes me cry too much. took the catalina express over that night after work. met up with katie, her mother, her mother's room mate betsy, and betsy's friend june. katie's mom, being a lesbian, is so tough that i love to be around her because complaining about my life's ridiculous drama never dares to enter my thoughts or actions. it was a blast. me and katie have been coming to catalina together since we were like 14 and now that we're 21 its the first time we could hit up the bar scene, me and katie are quite a dangerous combo. we had such a great time laughing and laughing at everything, including and especially eachother.

we slept upon her mother's gorgeous 40 ft. sailboat. took the dingy ashore to eat and shower at the yacht club. it was so amazing. me and katie would take the dingy to explore around the corner's of out of the cove of avalon and we saw so many sea lions and harbor seals!!!!! so fucking cute, i was dying and squeeling and talking to them. they truly are the puppies of the sea!! the weather was slightly overcast for usually it is very hot this time of year but i dont dare complain. the sun did come out! i did go in the water-accidentily. but yeah. it was amazing. oh so beautiful. i left the drama on the mainland, worked it out and bought my fares on catalina express so i could still work 9-5 fri and today. turned off my phone, and made myself happy. i feel like im getting a better grip on reality. doing things for myself, directly. not depending on someone else for feelings of fulfilment, and not getting angry at them when they fail to make me feel the way i expect. now that i have this second job, that i'm ruling at by the way, im going to buy a car. one that can actually go on a road trip. IM DONE CRYING OVER BOYS. for reals. that is so not who i want to be. i want to do amazing things, and be an amazing person. i could use some alone time. like a lot of it. la la la